RNC/DNC 2009
Document One

This is what I always meant by “ambitious hedonism.”

I’ve been looking for any excuse to be with you. I am so glad to see you here in St. Paul.
It’s been too long.

What started as idle flirtation has become full blown lust. To be honest, sometimes I can’t get you out of my head. Your energy and smile, the way your body moves with mine. I remember the first time we looked each other in the eyes. You had a spark. I was hooked.

Why else would I have shown up to all those boring fucking meetings? Why else would I sit around outside dumpsters late at night, hoping you’d appear? I used to see you everywhere—the potluck, the shows, the street parties. But once all those fell apart we completely lost touch…

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you like this, a bandana on your face and a scowl in your eyes. My old, familiar instincts return at the sight of you.
I can tell you exactly how many times I’ve dreamed of this moment.

No, let’s forget the past, now that we’re both together…
My heart is beating through my chest. I feel alive again.
Something real is happening.

To be honest, I’m terrified, but I’m not afraid of arrest or pain. What really scares me is the possibility of missing out on these moments with you. Not taking enough chances. Not pushing ourselves to take the risks we know are within our abilities.

What is it we are hoping for? Why exactly are we here?

If I can shred all inhibitions with your eyes on me,
can I do the same before the eyes of a thousand pigs and friends?

If we can trust our desires when you’re in my arms,
will it help us to do the same when you’re in the arms of the pigs?

Your grip on my wrists has always been strong, but you always stop when I say to.
If we find ourselves in this compromising position this week, please god don’t let go.
I only enjoy handcuffs with you.

We know how to keep secrets. You’ve allowed me to be myself like no one else has. I am excited by the chance to share our bodies with all these people. I want to push myself beyond the brink, beyond my own fears and hesitations. I want to turn the world upside down and show those motherfuckers we’ve finally gone past the point of no return
and we’re taking their whole rotten system with us.

Before we go out this morning, kiss me like I’ll never see you again.

While we’re separated… whenever I’m in danger… whenever I’m in ecstasy…
I’ll be thinking of you.

— from a handbill distributed anonymously at the convergence center in St. Paul in the days leading up to the RNC