Title: Why am I not allowed to own a Canadian?
Author: Anonymous
Date: 2010s
Source: Retrieved on March 26, 2025 from https://www.anarchismus.at/religionskritik/christliche-religionen/290-warum-darf-ich-keinen-kanadier-besitzen
Notes: Laura Schlessinger is a US radio host who gives advice to people who call in to her show. Recently, she stated, as a devout Christian, that homosexuality cannot be condoned under any circumstances, as it is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22. The following text is an open letter from a US citizen to Dr. Laura, which has been circulated online.
Mirror of: https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/anonymous-why-am-i-not-allowed-to-own-a-canadian.muse

Anonymous

Why am I not allowed to own a Canadian?

Dear Dr. Laura!

Thank you for your selfless efforts to educate people about God’s laws. I’ve learned a lot through your program and try to share this knowledge with as many others as possible. If someone tries to defend their homosexual lifestyle, I simply remind them of Leviticus 18:22, which clearly states that it is an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

  1. When I offer a bull as a burnt offering at the altar, I know that it produces a pleasing aroma to the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the aroma is not pleasing to them. Should I strike them down?

  2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as permitted in Exodus 21:7. What do you think would be a fair price for them today?

  3. I know I’m not allowed to have contact with any woman while she’s in her menstrual state (Lev. 15:19–24). The problem is, how do I know? I’ve tried asking, but most women are offended.

  4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may own slaves, both male and female, if I acquire them from neighboring nations. One of my friends says this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why am I not allowed to own Canadians?

  5. I have a neighbor who always works on Saturdays. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he must be killed. However, am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

  6. A friend of mine suggests that although eating shellfish, such as clams or lobster, is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I disagree. Could you clarify?

  7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach God’s altar if my eyes are affected by disease. I must admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be perfect, or is there some leeway here?

  8. Most of my male friends cut their hair, including their temples, even though this is clearly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How are they supposed to die?

  1. I know from Lev. 11:16–8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean. But can I still play soccer if I wear gloves?

  1. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field. Furthermore, his wife wears clothes made of two different fabrics (cotton/polyester). He also curses and blasphemes quite often. Is it really necessary for us to go to all the trouble of gathering the entire village to stone her (Lev. 24:10–16)? Isn’t it sufficient if we burn her in a small, family ceremony, like people who sleep with their mothers-in-law? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you’ve studied these matters extensively, so I’m confident you can help us.

And thank you again for reminding us that God’s Word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and admiring fan, Jake